Faux feeling Something done to me
Invalidated
Not a feeling: a thought about what someone did.
‘I think you are telling me my experience or view is not real or does not count.’
Why it’s not a feeling
Invalidated says the other person has dismissed your experience as unreal or unimportant. It reads their response and fills in their meaning, which makes it a thought, as swapping ‘I feel’ for ‘I think’ shows. Underneath, there may be hurt, anger or a resentment that has built up over time.
Feelings underneath
Needs
When these needs aren’t met
Saying it as a feeling
‘I feel invalidated.’
When I told you the meeting had upset me and you said ‘it wasn’t a big deal’, I felt hurt and frustrated, because I need acknowledgement and understanding.