Faux feeling Something done to me
Understood
Not a feeling: a thought about what someone did.
‘I think you grasp what I meant and where I am coming from.’
Why it’s not a feeling
Understood is a guess about what happened in someone else’s mind: that they got what you meant and where you were coming from. Nobody can feel another person’s grasp of them, only infer it. What you can feel is the relief and closeness that come when you believe it has happened.
Feelings underneath
Needs
When these needs are met
Saying it as a feeling
‘I feel understood.’
When you said back to me, in your own words, why the move worried me, I felt relieved and connected, because I need understanding and to be heard.