Faux feeling A need dressed up as a feeling
Heard
Not a feeling: a need, named as met or missing.
Also known as listened to
‘I think you really took in what I said.’
Why it’s not a feeling
Heard is the need to be heard, spoken as though it were a feeling. It tells you that you believe someone took in what you said, which is a judgement about their listening. The feeling itself is something else: maybe relief, a new calm or closeness.
Feelings underneath
Needs
When these needs are met
Saying it as a feeling
‘I feel heard.’
When you repeated back what I’d said about my mother and asked whether you had it right, I felt relieved and calm, because I need understanding and to be heard.