Faux feeling A need dressed up as a feeling
Unheard
Not a feeling: a need, named as met or missing.
‘I think you are not really listening to me.’
Why it’s not a feeling
Unheard names a need, to be heard, and says it is going unmet. It is a guess about the other person’s attention: that they are not really taking you in. ‘I think I’m unheard’ means the same thing, so it is a thought, and underneath it you may be frustrated, sad or lonely.
Feelings underneath
Needs
When these needs aren’t met
Saying it as a feeling
‘I feel unheard.’
When I started telling you about my day and you picked up your phone, I felt frustrated and lonely, because I need empathy and to be heard. Would you be willing to put the phone down for ten minutes?