Faux feeling Something done to me
Attacked
Not a feeling: a thought about what someone did.
‘I think you went after me, with words or actions, to do me harm.’
Why it’s not a feeling
To call yourself attacked is to say someone came at you meaning to do harm. That is a claim about their aim, which you cannot see, so ‘I think you attacked me’ says it more honestly. Noticing what happens in you, perhaps fear, anger or a body gone tense, gives you something solid to speak from.
Feelings underneath
Needs
When these needs aren’t met
Saying it as a feeling
‘I feel attacked.’
When you raised your voice and said ‘this plan is rubbish’ in front of the board, I felt tense and afraid, because I need safety and respect.