Faux feeling Something done to me
Patronised
Not a feeling: a thought about what someone did.
‘I think you are talking down to me as if I were less capable than I am.’
Why it’s not a feeling
Patronised claims to know how someone sees you: as less capable than you are. Their tone or words prompt the reading, but the conclusion about their view is yours, so ‘you patronised me’ is a judgement. What stirs underneath is often irritation or frustration, and sometimes resentment.
Feelings underneath
Needs
When these needs aren’t met
Saying it as a feeling
‘I feel patronised.’
When you explained how to attach a file to an email after I had told you I work in IT, I felt irritated and frustrated, because I need respect and equality.